Friday, October 28, 2011

Happy Halloween

This is the type of costume I wore when I was a child.  They were inexpensive and came in almost every beloved character you could imagine.  They rarely fit well.  If you were too tall, the crotch of the costume basically cut the circulation off to your ass and never seemed to stay tied in the back.  But you were always excited at the idea of wearing one.  Well, until you actually had it on and were dragging your cheap plastic bag filled with apples and peanuts along behind you.  I think the two things that were most memorable about these costumes were the rubber band that kept the mask on your head and the actual mask itself.
Imagine, if you will, a thin rubber band strung across the back of a lightweight plastic mask held on by two "made in china" staples.  God help you if you were a girl who chose to wear your hair down that night.  This rubber band created split ends and tears.  It would be a constant battle of trying your best not to move your head to far to the left or to the right in fear that small clumps of hair would be pulled from your scalp.  Seriously.  The staples held their own brutality.  Brushing your hand across the side of the mask could easily get you a quick trip to the hospital in need of stitches.  
The mask held its own troubles.  Lets start with the eye and mouth holes...or should I say slits.  The eye holes were about the size of a quarter and had very sharp edges.  This also kept you from wiggling around too much while trick or treating or once again, God help the car (trust me, I pinched and snagged eyelids on many occasions and often this mask covered tears of pain streaming down my sweaty face.) The nose of the mask had 2 slits the size of rice grains and the mouth was the size of a good n plenty.  Basically, you suffocated and your face sweat horribly.
I remember getting back into the car  and being asked if I was having fun.  If I remember correctly, I leaned back with my Snow White plastic cutting, suffocating, hair tugging and tearing, mask and quietly said yes. I was torn.  I wanted to wear the costume because everyone else on the street was wearing either the same one or some version of a super hero like Batman or Spiderman.  I no longer thought Snow White was pretty.  As a matter of fact, I thought that it might be possible that she was sadistic and only wore a smile to sell costumes and movies.  What is Dopey was dopey because Snow White secretly kicked him in the head while the animator wasn't looking???  Was that even possible?  I don't know, but at the age of 6 or 7 anything was possible.
The following year my sister and I decided that we wanted my mom to make our costumes.  I was a scarecrow.  I had a 6 foot pole stuck in one sleeve and pulled through the other and there I eye poker to anyone who came near.  My sister was the Statue of Liberty.  I don't remember how it was rigged, but I do remember that her arm was hoisted upward and stayed that way throughout the evening. My mother was so proud that we were entered in a Halloween Costume contest at a local school.  Wow...that was freaking fun.  I think my sister actually won some prize.  I didn't.  I was asked not to come back due to the fact that I had injured so many during the walk through.  
Note To Self:  I've always loved smarties...even back then.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Try "Occupying" A Voting Booth

Wow.  I just viewed a number of blogs and websites dealing with the Occupy Wall Street phenomenon that is going on right now. Its causing me to ramble a bit and so I've decided to share my opinion here.  Some of the photos were incredible and sure, I liked reading what some have written on their signs, but in all honesty...nothing is going to change.  It will bring attention to an issue that needs to be dealt with, but really....nothing will change.   There seems to be a backbone of unorganized thinking.  So much so that neither party will actually embrace what is happening.  Embrace.  Hold fast, back completely.  More than the reports of both sides of the issues, what stood out the most to me...what really caught my eye was the amount of trash that is present.  It resembles a hobo convention and is very reminiscent of days gone by when NY had to deal with mountains of refuse left after a garbage strike.  Other photos told a story of an urban woodstock...without the music of course.  I get the whole point of protesting.  Its one thing that I do love about our country.  We have the opportunity to protest.  NOT that it will make a difference, but it will bring attention to an issue that maybe "John Smith" or "Jane Doe" may not have cared enough to think or for that matter pay attention to in the past.
One issue that has sparked an interest is that I am sure that 99% of the group that was or is present now will pick up after themselves, will abide by the mantra of 'protesting peacefully' and will even purchase an item prior to using a business' toilet as their personal shower or changing room (leaving it trashed with no regard for the owner's real customers), but that 1%, oh those devils, they will be the group that many will talk about down the road.  They will ruin it for all.  Why?  Because of human nature.  After the last protestor has left, I'll be curious as to what the area everyone hung out in will look like.  Will there be paint spilled on the sidewalks or urine and feces left behind?  I guess we'll have to wait and see.  We'll see if the city needed to foot the bill for clean up.  I'm sure they will.

If you want change:  VOTE.  Get your butts out there and vote.  Intelligibly.  All of the photos that I have seen of those protesting will one day be stored away as memories.  Protesting is only one part of the deal.  Without taking a real stand in a booth, in private, you'll never see anything change.  DON'T complain to me about how poorly the government is running our country if you haven't voted.  I could care less what you think.   I don't care what party you have associated yourself with or what side of an issue you cling to if you've voted, speak out!  You can stand with your hands in the air waving signs that read "This is bullshit!"  "I'm Occupying myself" or "Evolve.  Resist.  Ask" but if you haven't cast a ballot, go the hell home.  If you are not a registered voter, you really aren't serious about the cause you are willing to 'suffer' for.  True dat.
Note To Self:  Update your voting information and donate something to a food bank.
P.S. Self:  You'll piss someone off.  Don't worry about it.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Wardrobe Change

Losing and gaining weight is an unending battle.  I worked my ass off to lose 52 lbs.  I did.  AND I did it the right way.  Watched what I ate (did not starve myself) and added exercise.  I took me 9 months to lose it.  My doctor had been bugging me for YEARS to quit smoking and I told him that if I lost the weight I needed to, I'd quit.  I had to lose it because I knew, from experience, that I would pack on a few pounds while quitting.  So, I did it.  I lost it and honestly, I looked pretty great when it was said and done.  I lived up to my promise and I quit smoking and of course, as expected, I gained some of it back.  Well, 30 of it back and so here I am, back on track finally ready to get serious.  I am excited to eventually get back into my 'skinny' clothes again, but you know, its a fact...people never really keep their weight off.  I'm not being a Debbie Downer, its just a fact.  
I realized not too long ago that the average person keeps their lost weight off anywhere between 18 months to 2 years.  Really.  Just take a moment to think about everyone you know that has lost a lot of weight.  Okay, are they fat again??  If you know 3 that lost it, at least 2, if not all 3, have put it back on within or pretty darn close to that time frame.  Oh, maybe some are still thin, chugging along the road to success, but seriously, its only a matter of time.  They are going to start believing that a McFat and Lazy burger is okay once in awhile! Relapse to fatville is...well.... inevitable.  

I am now more relaxed about the whole process.  I just tell myself now "don't gain it ALL back." Life seems less stressful and I think its because I learned this simple lesson:  Do NOT throw out your fat clothes.  Don't do it.  I know, I know, you are thinking what all of us have "I'll NEVER be fat again."  That's a lie.  You probably will.  You'll be wearing sweats before you know it and even they'll be too tight.  Keep the fat clothes.  Just store them away and forget you have them...for awhile.  When you gain your weight back, store your skinny clothes.  Think of it this way, in 2 years, fat or thin, you'll have a whole 'new' wardrobe again. That's exciting.  Right?
Note To Self:  A serving of cake is not 1/3 of its entirety.  Shocking!

Friday, October 21, 2011


AN UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT:  showing up to a birthday party where everyone only spoke german.

SOMETHING I LAUGH AT, BUT SHOULDN'T:  a memory of taking someone for a 40 minute ride (while he was tied to a shopping cart...outside of my friend's mother's night.)

I HATE DOING THIS:  cleaning the base of the toilet.
Note To Self:  Don't post stupid crap like this anymore.  At least today.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Chocolate: Not So Special...Sometimes

Now life is complete, the Golden Corral has installed a chocolate fountain for the masses to partake in as they stuff themselves blind.  The commercial looks appetizing, but I'm terrified.  I've eaten at all you can eat buffets and no matter how good the food was, I'm always promising myself that I'll never return.  I've witnessed adults licking their fingers and picking up tongs to transfer that luscious food onto their plates.  Yes, licking their fingers.  I've watched young children (once with no shoes on) pick up look, if you're a parent, you KNOW what that means. ANYTHING can be transferred to those tongs from a kid's hand.  Geez, I hate even writing this, I really do.  Just the thought of tiny bits of germs, food, fun creepy crawly stuff tucked in deep and swimming in the gravy makes me want to cry.  Now imagine the chocolate fountain and how appetizing it will look within a short week of being used.  Tongs and skewers will be ass!  Try fingers and possibly feet will be serving up that tasty dessert and for once, I'll not partake.
Note To Self:  Make your delicious chocolate cake, eat it at home (recipe will be posted) and let the creepy crawlers have at it!

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

No Double Dutching Here

I had a strange memory come to mind this morning as I sat at the computer trying to keep the cat from walking across the keyboard.  I was transported to my childhood backyard.  I must have been 9 or so and I was holding the end of a jump rope.  On the other end was a cat.  I can't even remember the cat's name anymore, but she was tied to the other end and I was swinging her in the air.  I know, I know, you don't have to say a word.  It was a horrible event, but for shit's sake I was 9 and lived on a farm and as far as I knew cats came in boxes and were dropped off regularly at the end of our driveway.  They were a dime a  dozen and mind you, I'm not making excuses up and ....I'm just saying....I thought about that cat as I swung her in large circles.  I truly believed she was enjoying it as much as I was.  My heart's intention was not to be cruel to her, but it was really just something to do.  I honestly thought it was fun.  My father came out of the house with a switch and I quickly realized it wasn't the most brilliant thing I had done.  Of course it goes without saying that I never again tied a cat to the end of a jump rope.  No, no, I simply moved on to other things like eating salt licks for the horses.
Note To Self:  Watch your salt intake.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Attitudes About Music

Did you ever notice that when you are humming or singing to yourself it never crosses your mind that you could be annoying someone, but when you hear someone else do the same thing, you can't believe that they aren't catching on that its pissing you off?
Note To Self:  Only sing or hum "Jazzman" by Carole King.